Bitter because I can't

There is an article over at the Chronicle of Higher Ed that is driving me crazy. (I don't think you need a subscription to see it.) Basically, the author says, she finds writing very difficult. When other people don't, first she doesn't really believe them, then she gets mad. She wishes they would all just shut their traps.

What is this, pre-school? "My mommy said I'm special so NO ONE can do ANYTHING better than me! So just shut up!"

You know, this is embarrassing, but I've never gotten the hang of using the Stairmaster. I just can't get the rhythm right. Everyone who looks at me funny when I say this, or says I just need to try agin, because Stairmasters are great - just stop showing off, alright?

I also have no ability to carry a tune. I wouldn't know an in-tune note if it wore a nametag. So next time someone talks about the joy of singing, or how everybody should just be able to have a nice sing-along, I'm going to tell them to can it. Don't make me have low singing self-esteem. As if singing could really be fun for anyone!

Then - and these are the ones that REALLY frost my cupcakes - there are the people who talk about how much they love running. Inevitably, they try to evangelize (maybe not to people in wheelchairs, but to reasonably mobile-looking types) that they ought to take it up. Endorphins, blah blah, great way to keep in shape ... whatever, I say running is hard. That's why I just sit and smirk when they start talking about injuries.

Alright, civilization, new rule: From no on, no one is allowed to talk about enjoying anything else that might possibly make anyone feel inferior. We don't want to know if you can bake a mean cupcake, get a weird thrill from vacuuming, are adept at curling, or can do really nice calligraphy. Because some of us can't, okay? Expressing a positive opinion is the same as rubbing the rest of our noses in it.

Ahoy, boots ho!

This morning it was finally chilly enough to wear my new winter coat. (Note to those in chillier climes: No doubt you'd call this a fall coat. But winter will never get that cold here.) I was very excited about this.

Now, if only I could find some nice boots. I don't want a plain pair where the top part has some stretch, although those are easy enough to find. I want something with a buckle or two. But some don't fit, just like with any shoes, and the rest are all too baggy in the calf. I don't have particularly slender calves relative to the rest of me, so this seems odd. I could just give up and get pirate boots or something made to be baggy.

Shiver me timbers, it's the dissertatin' pirate girl!

No, that won't work. I don't even have a pirate shirt.

Synonyms for what I'm doing today

Editing, revising, polishing, refining, revamping, correcting, amending, strengthening, bolstering, improving, lengthening ...

... manuscripts, documents, papers, research, precis, proposals, findings, results, write-ups, synopses, articles, statements ...

for

... grants, proposals, conferences, committees, sessions, foundations, discussants, researchers, audiences, experts.

Living the life

The other day I wrote about grad students can always see a glass as half-empty. I've been thinking about that and wish to emend my statement. First of all, it should be specific to doctoral students. Masters students are usually pretty perky, at least until the end when they get antsy to find a job. Second, they just don't find the glass to be half-empty.

No, the glass is half-empty, and the water is dirty, but they don't want water anyway, and half a glass isn't enough, and the glass looks like it might have a crack in it, and why is there no lemon, and it's lukewarm, and they would rather have it poured by someone else.

Spree

This paper I'm trying to finish up uses an enormous dataset. I can't run more than 5% of it on my laptop, so I have to come into school and use the library computers, which have more memory. I still only run 25% of it there. The computers may be able to handle more, but I have to stay with the computer, more or less - no letting it go overnight.

I have a credit card.

The Apple store down the road has desktops.

I could just go buy a desktop.

No, no, bad Turducken. Wait until you are a faculty member and get startup money.