Half-bucket list: Clock's a-ticking

Four years ago, I made a list of things I wanted to do before I turned 40. There are about six months left on that clock. So let's revisit:

1. Be able to walk across a slackline: I haven't done anything towards this goal. Well, not true: I bought a slackline. But I've never used it. Maybe next time I go camping, but that will be perilously close to the big four-oh.
2. Do macaco: I quit capoeira a few months ago. During the previous almost-four years, I lost a good two years due to shoulder issues and eventual surgery. Even so, I feel like I gave it a fair amount of effort, but I never got any closer.
3. Be fluent in Portuguese: Fluent? No. I learned a good bit, but I found out my limits when I was in Floripa. I'm okay with calling this one good enough, though.
4. Travel to Brazil: This I unambiguously succeeded in, for a good seven weeks.
5. Have a novel published: After making this goal, I reconsidered it, keeping in mind what I tell my students about goals - not to mention my department chair's admonishments for setting annual goals. To wit, a goal should depend mostly on your efforts. Since I wasn't considering self-publishing, as formulated it was not necessarily achievable. But if I revised it to write a novel, that was within my control. And I did, having just finished NaNoWriMo.
6. Do the Annapurna Circuit: Given the timing when one needs to do this, I'd have to be heading over there right now, and I'm not. So nope.
7. Hold a handstand for a minute unaided: Much like macaco, this goal suffered for a bit thanks to my shoulder. However, I still occasionally do handstands. I still am not anywhere close to holding it for a minute.
8. Successfully traverse the swing-a-ring: Much like the slackline ... I haven't even tried.

On the other hand, I picked up some new goals along the way. I decided to hike all the fire towers in the Catskills (done!) and complete the 3500 peaks. The latter will be completed by my birthday - there are ten left (out of 39), and I'll get two done in January. Then there is the SBM End-to-End, which I was supposed to do last year, but stayed home sick instead. This year, folks. My sister and I decided to do a walking tour of Wales, which we had initially talked about for summer 2016; we've pushed it back until 2017 for a couple of reasons, a not-insignificant one of which is that she is having foot surgery in a week or so. We'll see where I am come June. It's likely that Annapurna will slide onto the "life bucket" list, and some of the others will get quietly folded in a drawer to die. And then I'll have to set up new goals ...

Writing

Since I'm not doing capoeira, I have more free time on my hands, which gives me the kick in the pants I need to work on my writing. So, hooray? It occurred to me that with five year of practice, how much could I improve? Would I get "as good" as I was at capoeira? Better? But that leads down a thorny philosophical and practical path ... First, how do you compare the two realms? It's easy enough to say that Abby is as good at karate as Beth is at capoeira: They're both martial arts with some sort of ranking system. Maybe it's not 100% precise, but at a rough level it will do. You could maybe even say that Cassandra is as good at capoeira as Dionne is at chess. While they are very different sorts of activities, chess players, too, are ranked. But how does Evangeline's skill at tennis compare to Fabiola's at oil painting? Unless they're both utter novices, or at the very top of their field, where would you even begin? Second, I estimate that I spend about 8 hours a week doing capoeira. I don't suddenly have eight free hours; some of that time has been replaced by doing workouts I have no particular commitment to. (I've gone to a few gymnastics classes; they make a great rebound relationship.) Should I spend 8 hours to make it equivalent? What about the writing I already do, or is counting composing an email as "writing" as desperate as counting "walking a block to the drugstore" as exercise? Second.five, I am planning on doing NaNoWriMo this November. If I aim for the minimum 50,000 words, that's 1,667 words per day. At the rate I write, that's more than 2.5 hours per day, or almost 20 hours a week. That's assuming no days off, mind you. (I am hoping that exhaustive outlining will bring this number down.) Third, I started capoeira with zero experience in any martial art, and I am not starting as a writer with zero experience, so after five years you would expect my writing skills to be higher than the equivalent of a green-yellow cord. (I'm still not sure how this writing ranking system would work. Is, like, Morrissey the lowest cord and a Pulitzer Prize-winner a mestre?) Fourth, I need a better schedule. Group exercise works for me not because I'm an extrovert who just loves people! but because it makes me show up. I like the Shut Up and Write meetup for that reason, but I don't think that's a viable solution for seven days a week. Well, no answers, except: (1) I guess I can tell you in five years. (2) Less time watching kittens on the internet would free that time right up. (2.5) Although not that much time. (3) I'd like to think I outrank Morrissey now. (4) This is one way the irregular schedule of a professor is actually a problem.

What I have learned from capoeira

I have stopped doing capoeira. Maybe forever, maybe for now, but I doubt I’ll ever be as serious about it again as I once was. In some ways the choice was hard.  That’s what 2015 has been about for me: Stripping things out of my life, to find out what’s left and what’s really me. Trying to find out what choices I’ll make with some of my assumptions gone. And capoeira was something that not only took up a lot of my time, it constrained my choices - for example, where to live. A friend on Twitter posted something about taking the lessons from your past and moving on. Most wisdom is trite until it hits you when you need it, right? So here is what I learned in five years of capoeira. Some of it I thought I already knew, but apparently I had to learn it again.

1. My body can do more than I thought it could.
2. Those with less natural talent are often better teachers than those abundant in natural talent.
3. Portuguese.
4. When people’s actions contradict their words, believe their actions. 
5. Most of your friends are friends of convenience. Whether its because you train together, work together, or are neighbors, when the mutual activity stops, the friendship does too. If you find someone who remains your friend, hold on to them.
6. Hardly anyone uses every muscle in their body properly. If you’re active, it’ll catch up with you by your 30s, when it’s still easier to fix it. If you’re inactive, it’ll catch up with you when you’re elderly.
7. Capoeira has a huge problem with male teachers preying on female students. I’ve seen all of the following:
   • A male teacher engaged to a female teacher, who hits on another capoerista.
   • A male teacher living with a female student, who hits on another student, offering to move to be with her.
   • A male teacher sleeping with several of his female students, not serially.
   • A male teacher in a supposedly monogamous relationship with a female student, but also being in another second, also supposedly monogamous relationship with:
     • Another female student at a different school.
     • Another female student in the same school.
   • A male teacher who regularly cheats on his girlfriends with a female capoerista (not his student).
   • A male teacher sexually propositioning students who have shown no interest.
   • A married male teacher making out with a female capoerista.
   Patriarchy is a real dick, and capoeira ends up losing about 80% of the women who have been involved in these scenarios. Another 10% switch groups but remain in capoeira.
8. You need to be honest with yourself about why you’re involved with something. If you deny it to yourself, you’ll end up frustrated because you’ll likely pick a group that gives you what you claim to want instead of what you really want.
9. Never date someone who thinks they deserve to be excepted from what even they agree is ethically correct. Don’t even be friends with that kind of person.
10. Even someone totally untalented at music, like myself, can improve. 
11. Never look down on the person whose priorities change today, for tomorrow that could be you.
12. People may choose to forgive people who have hurt them, but it’s never your business to tell them they must.
13. People rarely share scuttlebutt with those who most need to know it.
14. If you’re bothered by the way people are treating you, make sure you’re not treating other people in that same way.
15. People at the top set the tone. If the leader makes Mistake X, so will the followers. If the leader doesn’t do Mistake Y themselves but doesn’t make stopping it a priority, some of the followers will Y. 
16. If someone seems unhappy, see if they want to talk, even if you aren’t close. If they don’t, of course, don’t push it, but far too often no one at all is willing to get involved.
17. Breathing and not looking at the floor really help when doing cartwheels.
18. I have no problem eliminating people and things from my life when they offer me nothing. I have a lot of difficulty eliminating people and things when they are just okay but standing in the way of truly good.
19. As Thich Nhat Hahn said, there is no such thing as a perfect sangha; one must simply strive to be the best member of the sangha one is in.
20. Fresh papaya is really delicious.

So there you have it. I think all of that was worth the five years I invested in it.

Joga Dela capoeira event

I spent the weekend in Miami at the Joga Dela women's capoeira event. I have no capoeira photos, but here is a soothing beach scene.

Doing things I don't do

I recently took a month off from capoeira, and during that time I tried a lot of different physical activities. My favorite was the Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, but it was obvious that I wouldn't have time to do it and capoeira both.

Much to my surprise, I ended up joining a gym. I had pretty much sworn off gyms, as I did plenty of hiking, capoeira, and yoga.

But the gym I joined made me re-evaluate that. One, it's a ridiculously hardcore gym where no one is there to hit on people. (I am not ridiculously hardcore. I am kind of soft- and squishy-core. Basically I'm a poser, trying to look badass in my roller derby shirt.) Picture  a bunch of extremely fit people in all-black and tattoos and no shoes either punching each other* or lifting kettlebells, and you've got the idea. And I do like shoelessness. And wearing black.

It just hit me that there is no background music, at least downstairs in the exercise class space. You have no idea how wonderful that is, especially after my last foray into spin classes.

Also the gym has ridiculously trained trainers that teach their classes (full disclosure: I do capoeira with one of them, but really they're all ridiculously well-trained), and they don't do useless exercises or shout annoying platitudes at you. No one has yet told me to give 110%. I am a properly trained statistician, y'all, and I know we don't have 110% to give.

But the most important thing for me was that good-form weight training finally did the last bit of healing on my shoulder. My left arm is probably 99% of where it was before everything, and it very rarely gets sore in the way that suggests I'm overusing the wrong muscles. I'm also much more likely to go to class at the gym than to lie on my living room floor and do 30 reps with my 3-pound weight. I am not a home exercise person.

So, hey, I'm going to the gym. It actually means fewer days of capoeira, but my capoeira hasn't suffered for it. The increased strength has helped with my control, in fact.

* OK, yeah, they're doing Muay Thai. It's not a fight club.

My core may look soft and squishy but

I’ve been back at capoeira for two and half weeks now, and it’s great to be back. I’m already more in shape than that first class back - doing knee dips no longer makes me want to punch the instructor in the face* - and, boy, my upper body is in much better shape than my lower body, thanks to PT. My quads are quietly crying in the corner.

However, my form is also different. I really was missing a lot of core strength, which is not a euphemism for “abs.” I mean the entire of muscles that’s below the arms and above the hips. One of my teachers noticed that in armada I no longer lean forward, which you’re not supposed to; the body is a counterbalance backwards against the forward-reaching leg. I did martelo de solo on Monday for the first time in, oh, close to a year. It’s a kick that has given me trouble since I learned it two years ago; to be honest, I’ve been kind of faking it. (Did my instructors notice? Yes. They worked on it with me, but I literally couldn’t generate the liftoff from the hips and torso it requires. I felt stupid.) For the first time, though, I actually was able to get it. When I did it properly, it felt entirely different. There is still a lot of room for improvement with it, but that was a huge step.

I will be hiking on Sunday, and I am curious to see how that feels after three weeks of capoeira.

* It’s the general principle (“knee dips suck”). I wouldn’t, of course.

Huzzah and hoorah

Friday was an exciting day for me, as my physical therapist told me I could start again with capoeira intro classes. She had to tell me, though, that I couldn't go that night, as I would be too tired from PT. Of course she was right, but I probably wouldn't have exercised that good judgment on my own. Thus, today I went to my first capoeira class in seven months. My should held up fine in roles and cartwheels, although my cartwheel to the left was notably weaker than to the right. My legs did the real suffering, as they're out of shape. My arms have the benefit of PT and my core has gotten stronger from Pilates, but my legs haven't done much except walk me around. Yesterday was four years to the day of my first capoeira class, so I can't help but feel the timing is fortuitous. Our annual batizado and graduation is in two months, and of course I won't be moving up a level, but I'm happy that I'll be able to participate. We shall see how my body feels tomorrow.

Shoulder update

Since my surgery, I've been struggling to stay active. A friend pointed this article by Scott Adams out, and it says a lot of things I believe - namely, that exercise shouldn't be a struggle based on willpower. You might use willpower to get you through mile 22 of a marathon, but your entire program shouldn't be based on it. That's why I do capoeira and yoga and hike, because 9 days out of 10 I'm excited to go to class.

But suddenly capoeira and yoga were off limits for me, and my hiking was limited to hikes that didn't involve scrambling or require a backpack. I tortured myself with a few spin classes, frustrated myself with a few samba classes, and did a moderate amount of walking. (But walking in the same place every day - boring!) The end of the semester didn't help, as it never does. While visiting family in Oregon, I was forced to confront how out of shape I'd become. I determined to get back in shape when I returned to New York, so that when my shoulder was finally ready for the activities I liked, the rest of my body wouldn't collapse.

(Yes, I know it's New Year's. I haven't made a resolution in years. If it makes you feel better to call this one, go ahead.)

Then I found out insurance was done paying for my PT, which means fewer visits since my pockets aren't so large. Yesterday at my appointment, I asked my therapist about when I could return to capoeira. She wouldn't give me a time estimate, but she said we would need to really push to make that happen. I had hoped January, then February, and now I am afraid it may be even longer.

I probably shouldn't be surprised. While my body fights off infections like a champ, I heal from injury slowly. Whether it's a simple cut or bruise or something more complex, I'm not on the bleeding edge. I also build strength slowly. While my sister can walk by a gym and burst out into a six-pack, my muscles grow slowly. My body was designed for endurance, not strength.

There are spots of bright news in there. One, my PT is very happy with how my flexibility has returned. It's not 100% of what it was before, but then I was very, very flexible before. Two, she said I could try wearing a backpack - no backpacking through Europe, mind you. Three, my schedule this semester is much more flexible than in the fall. The two activities I have available to me now - pilates and hiking - can be fit in with much more ease. I don't love pilates, but I don't mind it. If I'm going to be out for a long time, then I'll start looking at things like ballet, but I hope it doesn't come to that.

It's a struggle to remain upbeat about my shoulder some days. I'm not naturally a patient person. But, this week I've gone to pilates twice and done two hikes. Today, I'm going to do nothing at all, because my body needs a rest. Nothing, that is, except my PT exercises. Gotta uphold my part of the bargain.

Spinning

The ongoing saga of my shoulder troubles is heading towards a climax with arthroscopic surgery next month. In the meantime, I've been getting sadly out of shape, as capoeira and yoga are both off-limits to me: While there are individual moves I can do, I can't participate in a class. Hiking is still possible, but being a weekend warrior isn't enough.

I don't want to commit to joining a gym, since I have no intention of staying for a year, and taking up a new activity involves a steep learning curve and not enough vigorous exercise. I've been walking some, but that's low-key compared to two hours of capoeira, as is Pilates.

I finally found an activity I can do that burns a lot of calories, keeps muscles strong, and doesn't involve my shoulder - spin class. Never mind that I don't really like it. (After all, people are perfectly capable of riding an exercise bike on their own; it's just too damn boring to do it unless someone is threatening you.) I can do it until my arm is sufficiently recovered to take on more interesting exercise, and at least that way I won't be coming back from zero.

Home again

Back to New York, back to reality!

I've started going to capoeira class again, although I'm doing nothing at all on my left arm, and I realize even three weeks off leaves me out of shape. Also, it's hot in there, even with the a/c on. Everything about being back in New York is great, except for the heat wave we are in!

I'm gearing up for the school year, but unfortunately I'm missing a few important events. I fully intended to go to LIM's convocation - then I got a jury duty summons for that same day. And I'll miss Baruch's adjunct orientation because it's the day I come back from Oregon.

That's right - in less than a week I have to leave for Oregon for a family event. Hello New York, goodbye New York.

Capoeira

And then there was a horse, a photo by TheTurducken on Flickr.

The primary reason I came to Brazil was to do capoeira. The first week, though, I chose to stay in Pantano do Sul and relax and hike.

The second week, I stayed with a friend near the university. As the crow flies, it isn't that far from where the Mestre teaches, but it's 3 buses and two walks - she suggested I give it three hours. I didn't have directions until Wednesday, but I was told the Wednesday night class wouldn't be a good one for me.

Thursday I tried to go to a Professor's class in the neighborhood, but I couldn't find it. (This was my first major navigation fail.)

Friday night, I did get a ride to Mestre's roda - thank you very much, Beluga!

This week I moved to the neighborhood of Lagoa. It's one bus away from Mestre - I could stay closer, but the closer hostels are a long walk from grocery stores, etc. Maybe I should have gone with one of them, as I discovered today there is a bus strike. It's an hour and a half walk, and not on streets I want to walk after dark. If I go Wednesday, I will leave early and hang out after dark.

The best-laid plans!

Greetings from Pantanal

Shell, a photo by TheTurducken on Flickr.

I'm currently staying in the neighborhood of Pantanal (not to be confused with THE Pantanal, on the mainland), near to the Federal University of Santa Catarina. The photo here is from the university; one of the things I've done is take a busman's holiday around campus.

I have been running a few errands and working - not so exciting, alas - but today I went to the neighborhood of Lagoa. It's near the big lake on the island, and it's where most of the nightlife is. It's also much closer to where the capoeira classes are. (As the crow flies, the classes aren't even far from here, but unfortunately I am not a crow, and taking three buses is a bit much.) I didn't expect to like the Lagoa area, as nightlife isn't my thing, but I was surprised. Perhaps because it's winter and the off-season - the summer might be too crazy. There is a lot more within easy walking distance there, and the lake itself is very nice.

Hopefully, tomorrow, I will finally get to do capoeira! There is a student of Mestre Calunga's who teaches close to the university, within walking distance even.

Brasssssil, here I come*

In less than two weeks I leave for a month and a half in Brazil!

I will be spending my time in Florianopolis. (If you know your Brazilian geography, skip to the next paragraph.) It's in the state of Santa Catarina, in the far south of the country. Only one state, Rio Grande do Sul, is south of it. To the north is Parana. The Atlantic Ocean is to the east, and the tiny west border is shared with a thin finger of Argentina, with Paraguay on the other side of it. The city of Florianopolis is on an island, and it is the capital.

It's not necessarily the logical place to go (although it's not some obscure backwater I'm ultra-cool for discovering). Obviously, Rio de Janeiro and Sao Paulo are the biggest tourist destinations in Brazil. Most capoeristas travel to Salvador, the stronghold of capoeira. And more adventurous types head off into the Amazon rain forest. Floripa is actually fairly popular among South American travelers. It's known for its nightlife and surfing. If you know me, well … maybe I'll try surfing!

So, why there? I wanted to go to Brazil, and I wanted to do capoeira. But as I was traveling alone, I wanted to go somewhere I'd at least know someone. I don't have any besties in Floripa, but I have met a couple of Capoeira Angola Palmares teachers from there, and they have beautiful games. So, why not? I'm sure I will have other opportunities to see the rest of the country.

I don't have much of a plan yet. I'll spend the first week on the far south of the island near Pantano do Sul, a sleepy village. No capoeira, I don't think, but some nice hiking. After that I'll head up to the city. At some point, I want to get on a bus and head to Iguacu Falls. And that's it! Everything else is up in the air.

*Harry Potter reference.

New and improved

A few nights ago in capoeira, we videotaped a short roda. Afterwards, we watched it while one of our instructors provided feedback.

Of course, I hate watching myself on video (who doesn't?), whether it's footage of me playing capoeira or teaching a graduate class. Every mistake seems magnified, and (as someone at Vanderbilt's Center for Teaching said to me), everyone thinks their butt looks too big. Sure enough, there was plenty to critique in my play.

However, I was pleasantly shocked by the video. Since I had last been captured on either still or moving film, my form had improved remarkably. My entire posture and carriage looked different. Frankly, I was possibly too relieved to fully absorb the critique I received.

Training while injured

Another guest post over at the Quintal blog.

Guest blogging

If you want to read about capoeira, I have done one (and will do more) guest posts over at the Quintal New York blog. My first entry is on making capoeira cordaos. Take a look at the other stuff, including some really nice capoeira photography.

Injury update

I haven't been making it to many classes and am trying to practice at home. So I do my PT exercises, some stretches - both related, like supine twists, and unrelated, like hamstring stretches, because I always have tight hammies - and simple moves such as four of the five basic kicks.* (Martelo de solo puts too much body weight on a straight arm.) I've been focusing on armada, because Mestre has broadly hinted that would be a good idea, but I also added meia lua de compasso back in. It turns out that if I do it with perfect form, it doesn't hurt. What that means is I suck it up and do it with perfect form.

Which reminds me of this.

*In Quintal, these are considered to be meia lua de frente, queixada, armada, meia lua de compasso, and martelo de solo. In Angola Palmares, the list I was taught omitted martelo de solo but added bensao and martelo. In case you care.

Injured!

My left arm had been hurting ever since my flu shot, but it got particularly painful after one acrobatic capoeira class. As a side effect, the muscles all around my shoulder blade seized up in a death grip. I finally gave in and went to the doctor, who sent me off to physical therapy.

It turns out I suffer from a weak serratus muscle (the muscle that stabilizes the shoulder blade) and a small impingement in the rotator cuff. So the therapist has me on home exercises as well as in-office visits. She also has me off of any exercise that puts my weight in my hands, or that hurts.

This means no yoga class (there are plenty of moves I can do at home, but a class will have too many poses that rest on the arms) and highly modified capoeira classes. No cartwheels, no kicks or escapes that put my weight on my arms. I do cheat a little occasionally and put my weight on my good arm, though. This means I have to stick to the easier classes, as the more advanced classes get into too many sequences that use the arms or outright acrobatics.

I hate hate hate being injured and not being able to do things, especially when they are things my body is capable of, and even more when they don't hurt, such as queda de rins - I don't have pain on bent arms. I feel like, by the time I recover, I will have lost so much strength. If I weren't in the thick of final exams, there would be lots of hiking to at least get out my energy.

I'm not a fool. I try to be a good patient, because I don't want to get hurt worse. And I'm relearning how to use my shoulder blades (who knew you could use them wrong?)

Maybe at least I can improve my armada during this period?

More and faster

A staple of the movie news is "star beefs up workouts for movie role." In this story, for example, one actor worked out eight hours a day for ten weeks. The "easiest" part of those eight hours was two hours of choreography.

I have no idea how people do things like that. Not that working eight hours a day is impossible; it's just … going from working out an hour or two a day to eight? I mean, I know movie stars stay in shape as part of their job, but I assume they don't spend their whole day doing it.

Whenever I ramp up my workouts, my body feels it and takes a while to adjust. (Like, you know, 99% of people.) When I started capoeira, for example, I blogged about how I went to yoga and was unable to do a single chaturanga. When I joined Quintal, I started going to three classes a week. Previously, I had been doing two, and while the new classes were shorter, they were much more intense. I remember drinking what felt like gallons of water in my first few classes. A couple of months ago, I switched to an unlimited plan, and now I go to five-six classes a week. My body is still adjusting.

Friday night I went to our roda, although I didn't play much at all. I told Tarugo that I might come to his Saturday class, although it would depend how physical my volunteer morning at Van Cortlandt was. Turned out it wasn't very, so I went to his class, but as I told him, "I'm tired and sore and probably shouldn't be here." Luckily, we spent the class working our backs and arms, and it was my legs that were already shot. Sunday, I found I couldn't do side plank on the left in yoga. (Monday is my rest day … thank goodness.)

I know one struggle for me is getting enough protein, and maybe that makes a difference in recovery time, but really, I don't think what I am experiencing is that different from most people. (Perhaps, like a movie star, I should have a personal chef.) But I have this impatience - I want to get better faster! and my body is putting the reality check on it. If worked out eight hours a day, I'd get stronger at first - then I'd get injured. No thanks!

Yet, progress happens. I remember the first time I was able to get from a wide-legged forward fold to tripod headstand in yoga. It happened a few months before leaving Nashville, so let's say almost two years ago. I was super-excited. Just yesterday I realized I was able to control my descent enough to set my feet down silently when coming back out. It's not the dramatic part of the move, but it's just as important, and it means I have a kind of core control I didn't have before. That control has been coming along slowly and incrementally, but that moment of breakthrough is always something.

Capoeira Angola Palmares 2012 batizado

IMG_5301, a photo by TheTurducken on Flickr.

I've had guests in town for over a week for the Capoeira Angola Palmares - New York annual event and batizado. This photo was taken after the batizado on Saturday, showing some of the participants. Congratulations to everyone who earned a cordao!