The structure of my world

The other day I made a facetious reference to something violating my assumptions about how the universe worked. At that moment, one assumption died, because apparently Stata does not in fact have an option to do anything I want it to. Apparently I have to wait for Stata Version 9.Turducken or start programming my own add-ons. As if! I want to date a nerd, not be one. But that left me with plenty of Assumptions About How Turducken's Universe Works still alive and guiding my behavior in mostly predictable yet occasionally quirky ways:

1. I will be lucky in academia but unlucky in love.
   
2. I will probably die in a car accident.
   
3. There is not enough money in the world to solve all of society's problems.
   
4. My generation will never receive Social Security.
   
5. Taking the high road pays off in the long run.
   
6. My presentations will always run short.
   
7. Microsoft Office will find some way to make you unhappy.
   
8. I will run into acquaintances when doing errands only if I look like a mess.
   
9. I will never get a chance to go into space.
   
10. Everyone else hates the music I listen to.
    
11. The cool kids might like me, but I won't believe it.
    
12. Girl Scout cookies are awesome.
    
13. There is no such thing as fate.
    
14. The only appropriate first date in online dating is at a coffee shop.
    
15. It's best to prepare for the worst.
    
16. Orange is the worst color ever.
    
17. Lots of sleep and a good breakfast are the keys to daily happiness.